Hello friends, I am going to write a quick post for those of you that might feel insecure about yourself. The truth is these feelings come to everybody whether we expect them or not. Feeling them that is not the problem; rather reacting out of those feelings, and defining yourself and your self-worth based on how you feel about yourself. The truth is whether you are a male or female, boy or girl these are feelings that one must deal with and master to control. Once we acknowledge them and we understand how they work we can know that our security is not in anything other than knowing who we are Christ.
Before I start to explain why we should be secure. Let me ask you a question: what keeps you secure? or a better question would be, where do you place you hope and confidence? What or who defines you as a person? If it is not God and his word no matter what, those other things are not long lasting and will never fill that void that only the spirit of God and the word of God can fill. What kind of things do we use to place our value, worth or security?
- Friends, boyfriends and girlfriends
- Getting married or finding a spouse
- Sex, drugs and alcohol
- High Social Status
- Material possessions
- Approval of others (Spouse, friends, peers, parents, those we look up to)
- Our own achievement
- The words others
I am sure the list can go on and the list is endless but it does not matter. What I am going to write in the next paragraphs will not only help you to appreciate yourself in the right way but you will also know where to PLACE YOUR SECURITY, HOPE AND CONFIDENCE because with God you will never be disappointed, rather your heart will be filled with continual Joy, love and security which is what we all want.
First I want to talk to the girls, the young women, and the mature women, and the mothers. We are more on the emotional side. Our feelings however are not to control us, but we are to control them and use them to help us do what needs to be done no matter how wild or painful them seem. Although at times they can help us in making decisions; they are neither bad nor good; they are fickle, unpredictable and do not always tell us the truth. They change like the weather. You can feel ten different ways about them same thing and that is very unstable. That means to act on your feelings is not only a mistake when it comes to making decisions, but this can also hinder our lives and hurt us later. That something feels good or bad now does not make it is right or wrong. So what is the answer? What can we do to ensure that we are in charge of our emotions? Well the answer is simple and many of you know what it is. We look at someone who is stronger than us, someone who means what they say and does not change. God and he word is your answer and he is is also mine. Again I will explain why in a minute but now onto the men and the boys.
Boys, young men and men, and fathers whether you are young or mature in age; your security is not in cars, making the most money or getting a woman or girls to like you, it is not in building your body so you can look as good as the other guys. You don’t have to act a certain way or copy those that you think are “it” or those men that society looks up to because the social standards that are around today are not built on the right foundation. As a man it is important to know who you are because of your responsibility in society. It is important for you to know where to place your security so that you can be the man that God planned for you to be. The truth is a man is made in such a way that it is essential that he knows and understands God personally, to know his presence so he can be secure in him. A boy or a man without the security of God in him will be led astray easily, and thus look elsewhere (gangs, crime, street, women, drugs and alcohol, money, power,and many more) in an attempt to gain identity and security. The same applies to women of course but for this paragraph I am dealing with just the guys to show that we all need to place our security in God. However men and women have different needs and will thus go after those needs in different, hurtful and wrong things if God is not in the their lives in a strong and profound way.
The truth is God is your answer whether you are a woman or a man, married or unmarried, a teenagers, or a child; you don’t have be feel or be insecure, but you can let the word of God and his relationship with you be your strength; your confidence and your solid unmoveable rock. Hope in God will not disappoint, but rather reappoint you to a place of victory and keep in you in a place of safety and security. It is God that keeps you content, and secure not anything else. In fact with God as your rock and security everything else falls into place and succeeds as he desire which is always greater every day. We don’t have to feel rejected or insecure whether if we do not meet the needs or the standards of people; or if our needs are not met by the people we wanted to get them through. The truth is God never puts on us the burdens that we cannot carry. He is not like people. Putting him first helps you to have the right perspective in your life. He says to you in Matthew 11:28:
…“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Did you see that? Jesus invites to come as you are. For a non-believer (Those who are not born again and have not accepted Christ as their only saviour) this is a call to receive Jesus Christ as your saviour so that you can have a great relationship with God and have ever-lasting life. For those of us who are believers already this is an invitation for us to let go and lay our worries and burdens downs and, to run to the one that can carry all our hurts and burdens. These burdens also include the wrong mind-sets we have about each other which include: insecurity, lack of self value, having a deep seated rooted of rejection, lack of unconditional love and so on. We can however run and come to the one that accepts us as we are yet he loves us too much to keep us the same. Jesus desires to heals us everywhere we hurt. Jesus is the one whose love for you will always be for your own good and wants to the best in life for you. Do you know why Jesus says come to me in Matthew 11:28? It is because God knows he is our only answer to a peaceful, prosperous and great life. This is life of goodness, a life of supernatural fulfilment, a life of contentment. Jesus does not put pressure on us to be perfect; he does not block us out because we do something that he does not like because he came to die for sinners (those that through their own effort could not do the right thing no matter how much they tried) and those that are imperfect so he could make them perfect.
Jesus is the perfect one who we can look up to, for his mighty power will manifest in our weakness and enable us to do the things we would not normally do. That means with God’s word you can trust him to be stable in your emotions; you can trust him to be secure only in him not anything else, you can trust him to love you even though it seems like no one else does, you can trust him to bring you justice when others have wronged you. Nonetheless you see it is important to do things his way because his word is infallible and always true. God is a good God and if you put your trust in him as someone who speaks from experience he will never disappoint you. The only way to really see this for your-self is to try it and go through all your experiences with him. We see this promise in Proverbs 3:5-6 as it tells us to trust him beyond our own experiences and in Psalm 25:3:
Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT:“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
Psalm 25:3 AMP: “Yes, let none who trust and wait hopefully and look for You be put to shame or be disappointed…”
Trusting God means you can relax because like in Matthew 11:28 he cares for us. The first steps to trusting someone is by understanding and believing that they love you unconditionally. When we know that someone loves us we have a spring in our step and we feel like we can take on the world no matter what because we know that someone loves us. The truth is that the love of God, his unconditional love and acceptance is what every child who comes into this earth should receive and have deep down on the inside of them. They can love themselves in the right way without judging themselves, comparing themselves to other people and thus love other people unconditionally.
When you know that someone really loves you and wants the best for you then you will easily believe that no matter what happens they will have your back, in-fact you will know that you can go through different situations and circumstances together and come out on the other side of those situations better off than before. God has your best interest in your success more than anybody else you know or you could ever hope for yourself. So the first step in trusting God and his word is understanding that he loves you no matter what. God calls us into a relationship with him as we are. He is not like people who at times put pressure on us to be perfect or act differently towards us when we wrong them or if we are not as perfect as they wanted us to be. This is not to say that God won’t correct us, but even in that when he does it is because we trust Romans 8:31 knowing that if God is for us nothing can harm us for too long. So we can know that he is correcting us for our own good and he knows that those things we do are not good for us to do. Everything that God tells you to do is for your own good.
So what is my point? My point is that trust in God’s word, believe meditate and declare on how much he loves you daily, believe it until it becomes a revelation. Once we know that God loves us, we can have hope and confidence that even when others reject or hurt us at least we have a rock and a foundation that loves us all the time. MY POINT IS YOU CAN BE SECURE COMPLETELY IN LIFE. You don’t have to compare or try to be someone else. Insecurity can led us to make many wrong decisions. For example, a young girl or woman might compromise her purity because she does not want her fiancé or boyfriend to leave her. The demands to make him happy or to worse so that he won’t leave her by ignoring her own standards God has placed in her life or because she does not want to be lonely and feels like she won’t be loved is a sign of insecurity and a fear of rejection. This next story will explain my point.
There was a young woman from a young age (14) started dating thinking that she will be with one guy forever. When her first relationship did not work, she started on a journey of looking for a perfect relationship feeling deep down that one day she will meet someone who will love her for who she was but none of those relationships she was seeking were working out. Years go by and now her wounds are deep. Feeling insecure, and rejected that no one will love her she continues to seek relationship after relationship. In a quest to be loved, she even compromised her purity which for those of you who know the dangers of sex outside of marriage will understand that this can cause so many problems for the individual who might not understand the spiritual soul ties that come from that. She had soul ties and deep hurts from all her failed relationships, feeling unwanted and confused about her identity she tried to deal with her pain (she was not aware of her problems since her friends were going from the same thing). By 2012 she has an encounter with God and she filled with the Holy Ghost and starts to not only love God deeper and deeper but she also takes a hold into his word.
However her problems were so deep that this dating routine carried onto her relationship with God as a Christian. After two failed meaningless relationships, she thought she had hit rock bottom and started pursuing a deep and close relationship with God because she wanted to understand why she has had so many failed relationships, or why they are not working out. However the deeper question was what is wrong with me, why doesn’t anybody love me? She started to get a break through and after six months of singleness and was happier than she has ever been and realised she needed to be single for a while. You see without knowing God, the devil can use even our greatest weaknesses against us. For example, because this woman had a root of rejection and was thus insecure, she looked for love, value and security in relationships, Men particularly.
She grew up without a father from age 1 to the age 9, she did not know what the love of a father was like and was never introduced to the unconditional love that many children need from a young age. The only love she saw and those desire and wanted was the love she saw on TV between a man and a woman. From a young age she desired and thus wanted fill that void (that need for unconditional love) that every children need from her parents, that every girl should receive from her father before she can pursue any other relationship was not there. This girl did not even know this so of course the devil used this lack of revelation against her by using her weakness as stronghold. In seeking relationship where disappointment, differences in needs and change in relationships and yes at times people leaving us or act in a way that they shouldn’t way inevitable, was something she did not know or understand because she did not understand what unconditional love. She just wondered what was wrong with her and why people have rejected her. She did not know that relationships had become a stronghold for her, she sort after something that could not fulfil her, especially at a young age where both parties do not know who they are yet.
Two things can happen. Some people can develop a defence mechanism in their personality where they become hard and harsh, and act as if they don’t care about what other people think but deep down they do or like this young lady she developed a fear that put her on a quest to find people that would not reject her, which meant she settled for anything and would accept anything because she did not want to be rejected or hurt because she already felt so bad about herself already. Six months after her last relationship she gets the ultimate test and step up from the enemy. She met a young man who said she really liked her, he wanted to marry her and that she was the one. Now in order to appreciate the decision this young girl made one needs to understand the love, value and acceptance she has craved for so long.
She has always wanted someone to marry her and to want her and this guy did. To this young woman this was the most wonderful thing she has ever heard or that she could ever have. This kind of attention gave her value and self-worth. Her reasoning was this. This must be the one God has sent for me after years I am finally getting want I want. For a while she was content because the needs (weakness) seemed to be feed by this attention she received but what followed although it was a tough experience led her to go on a personal journey with God that could led to her healing and truth about who she really is. This young woman was engaged within a month of knowing this guy, everyone knew including her parents who explained that it was too soon. She was not convinced, as long as she was concerned this was the one she has been searching for. Her need to be loved was so deep that she was willing to go forward even though within a month of the engagement she knew she had made a mistake.
She found herself trying to like him, reality was setting in, she realised they did not get along as they should have, perhaps his spiritual maturity of a husband was not what she expected or should have been. Now this young girl had knowledge on certain things about marriage, that getting engaged in a month to a man that loved her was not enough to enter a marriage but she was so hungry for love that she accepted any attention. FOR HER A MAN WANTING TO MARRY HER WAS A SIGN OF VALUE, ACCEPTANCE AND SECURITY, she did not realise that, just like she had her own selfish needs so did he. Anyways at this point she is fully deep in love with God, his word; his word had some kind of dominance in her life that slowly she was starting to realise something is not right.
However she was about to find out how far she would compromise her relationship with God to keep that thing that kept her secure (that was a relationship). This was not about her loving the man that she was going to marry, because she did not, it was about letting anybody who showed any kind of interest, it was about being loved and accepted and the idea of losing that security even though relationship was toxic, hurtful, verbally abusive and really a mistake that the lord warned her from. Furthermore, however in wanting to please this man due to her own insecurities, although they did not go have sexual intercourse, she engaged in a lot of wrong inappropriate behaviour that deep down in her spirit she knew was only for marriage and not right for her to do. Of course it is not entirely the young man’s faults she had a choice in what she participated in but there was influence and sometime pressure from his side even though he did not know this no do I think that was he is intention. Even worse she developed an attitude of compromise and ask for forgiveness later. It’s sad because she compromised her body and let this guy fulfil his desires from her because she wanted to make him happy, she did not want to lose her security: a relationship..
Worse than that her rent is going up, so he after months of him asking her to him to move in she finally let him move in which led to more sexual temptation from each other, and what was starting to become an emotionally and verbally abuse relationship (which was probably not intentional), manipulation, fear and many unnecessary situations. By the time she ended this relationship and moved back home to her parents; she wanted to do things Gods way and be in his will. Not matter how much she need value from the relationship she fought so hard to keep, deep down she knew this was not the right way to marry anyone she had reached a turning point where wanting Gods way was more than what she wanted. God helped her to realise her need to love herself. After she ended that relationship she felt like she had hit rock bottom feeling ugly like nobody wanted her because of the previous relationship. I will take this opportunity to say that both of them had issues and troubles of their own. This young man tried to love her the best way he could but he could not love her right because he also needs to learn and receive for himself the unconditional love from God that I am talking about. Furthermore, his ideas of relationships, marriage, God and love were mixed up and he ended up being more critical verbally than he probably intended to, fearful, controlling and manipulative. You see Satan will set up two people that have different or similar issues to get married so they can leave a life of misery and worse have children who will be affected by their issues and then the cycle will go on and on.
Even worse because she did not know who she was and was defining herself in this relationship perhaps the verbal words that this man used would not have affected her so much if she had a great self of her value in God and not in what a man says or how they treat her. So I say this young man was not a bad man, in-fact they both loved each other the best they could but that is not enough for a relationship to last. He also just needs a great dose of love, self-value from God himself. She did not know who she was so naturally other people, especially men could colour different versions of her and she would take it.
She finally ended the relationship despite the fears of being alone, feeling rejected, and having and learning to place her value in God she embarked on a journey of self discovery in her rock, her foundation, in that one who washes her with righteousness, love, and understanding. She is learning what her weaknesses are, where she needs healing and is understanding that relationships do not give her value: God does. She knows she does not have to be in a relationship to feel important. She is learning to be careful with whom she speaks to and why and finally she is trusting God to help her overcome her past and her weakness and everyday because of her desire she is growing and is able to help others.
So what do you think of this story. It’s quite sad right. Yes. Some of you are thinking: “I will never do that or do this”. Let me tell you something, everything that she did, or went through, she never thought she would ever go through it, or wanted to, she never thought that after receiving Christ as her saviour she would make the mistakes she has made, yet that need to feel secure and loved not rejected led her to override into her own will to gain the love that she was sort after only to find out that her value and worth comes only from God, because he is our father and our source. When something is source, it means you cannot be separated from it and you need to be connected to it in order to stay alive. Like naturally a child needs to have a positive loving relationship with his or her parents we too also need to have one with God. God is the only one who satisfies our hungry souls, heals our emotional wounds and gives us a new life. This is nicely demonstrated in Isaiah 61: 3 where it is talking about what Jesus came to do.
Isaiah 61:3 AMP: To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion—to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit—that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
God is for you not against you. He sent Jesus to give you a new life that we all know we want but don’t know how to get it for ourselves. You can have inner joy independent of your circumstances, past experiences and what you think of yourself. Let go of the past, the fears and the hurt and let God be your wall of protection. Furthermore inner self value and security is your inheritance. We don’t have to wait for others to give us value, we need to have value for ourselves from our relationship with Jesus. God has a good plan for us, so we can trust him for good things are going to happen to us. This is said in Jeremiah 29:11 and Proverbs 4:18 which shows you that as long as you continue on in your relationship with God and his will, your life will keep moving from one level of greatness to another.
Jeremiah 29:11 MSG: “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”
Proverbs 4:18 KJV: “But the path of the just (is) as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day”
You see these scriptures are too help you realise that your future in God is so wonderful, but it is your choice to choose God and let him be you hope, self-value and identity. God loves you and because he is your source he has just a perfect plan for your life, a life that will fulfil you. Although others reject, and abandon you, it does not mean God rejects you and will certainly never abandon you. God can restore anything that you have lost and more. So instead of us placing our image and value in people, what they say, what they do and what they think, how about we place all our worth in the one that does not lie and does not change. Jeremiah 17:7-8 says that when you place your trust, and confidence in God you cannot go wrong no matter how bad the situations seem, because you are hidden in his presence you won’t even see them because all you will see is Christ:
Jeremiah 17:7-8 NLT: “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.”
When you trust God you will never be disappointed, and will never fail. When you make the lord your hope, security and confidence you will be continually refreshed in your soul and very content. Trusting God and keeping your eyes, your self-value in him will blind you to the attacks of the enemy, it is God who will hide you from the bad influences of the world; he will help you to see that your value and security in God is your safest and most precious thing to have. This is not only a promise it’s a fact. When you trust God no matter, what you will come out on top. This does not mean that we do not deal with our circumstances or situations but it means you are not obligated to take care of them, fear or worry about them. You can cast your care of the one who can handle them and can leave a glorious happy life as he is taking care of your situation.
Some of you are asking so if I don’t protect myself and I have to trust God, how I stop others from hurting me or stop them from making me feel insecure. Well, I am not saying that people won’t disappoint you or hurt but you can run to God who can be your strength and can take care of your pain and hurt. God can be your protection. You can trust him to bring the right people into your life that will love you, appreciate you and love him so much that they will do all they can to love and value you the way that God does. God is your defence, your hope and with your security in him you can be completely secure and confident irrespective of what people think, do, or say. YOU ARE VALUABLE.
SO CAN YOU BE COMPLETELY SECURE? THE ANSWER IS YES, but you’ve got to trust God, have faith in him, and love him with your whole heart. The truth is you have no other choice but to trust God because human beings come from God and belong to God, without him in the equation you will not be satisfied. Make God your best friend, talk to him about everything, your friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, education, vision and dreams, things you do and don’t do. Seek him early in the morning, tell him you love him and cannot do anything without him, and spend time in his presence and in his word; confess daily that he loves you because that is what his word says. Romans 8:38-39 says it just right:
Romans 8:38-39: NLT: And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So read often of his word and what he says about you in his word while you are spending time with him. You will find that as you spend time with God and in his word, you will start to desire him more and more, you will notice your joy is independent of any circumstance. As you put your trust in him you will find that you are not as afraid of things as you once were, you will notice that you are more confident and secure, feel and look younger, Before you know it your identity in Christ will be yours and you will live a great life that is independent of what people might say and do because you know now that God is your identity, your worth, your portion and protection and best of all YOUR SECURITY. This is the safest thing you can do. Trusting God heals your soul, body and mind. He is the one you need, he is your everything, your worth. Give yourself to him and he will not disappoint. Further scripture below will show you that he is the one you need because everything you need in him.
Psalm 37:4-6 NLT: Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun
Psalm 16:11 NLT: You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.
I encourage you again. Give God that place that belongs to him. I have proven to you that he won’t hurt you, but has good plans towards for you; he is your father and the one who can keep you completely satisfied. No dates, no make-up, no marriage, boyfriend, girlfriend, no money, food, no sex, no alcohol or drugs and no amount of success can completely fill you and make you as secure as you need and want to be until you become content in the one your soul thirsts for and that is God. God bless you.
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Sarah Nyanzi, CEO of IReflectMedia