Hi Everyone, I hope you have all been well. It has been a while, by a while I mean a month and a bit since I have written a blog, but you guys are going to love this one. Before I go on, how have you been? How has your week been going? I know there are times when it feels like things aren’t working but God is right there with you to get you through it if you stay consistent with him and his word. I just want you to know that you are loved, and you are wanted. Maybe right now it doesn’t feel like it, and people have rejected and abandoned you, but God has you. He is for you and he loves you. He understands how you feel and he also has an answer and a healing balm to everywhere you hurt. So, keep on in hope, but go far and have faith that it is working and getting better because his word is a word of integrity. It does not fail and neither will you if you stay with God.
So now on to the blog- its quite weird that I am just writing this blog now. I wouldn’t have been able to write this blog a year or two years ago, but know I see there is nothing to fear or to be afraid of because God’s got me, and he has you. Its easy to compare ourselves with others as to why we should or shouldn’t do something thinking that if we use the same formula we will get the same results, but our situations and circumstances are unique to us and not others. Yours and my life will never be exactly like somebody elses; so, to assume that if we do what they did or did not do and get the same result is a recipe for disappointment and disaster. The point I am trying to make her is this: I have held off sharing this story and the testimony of it for three years because I had an idea of how I wanted my life to be.
Talking about a broken engagement and the pain that comes with it isn’t exactly something that is popular with people or in the church. So, I guess I did not know this at the time but I was ashamed and disappointed with myself for “failing”, at least that is what I thought at the time. I did not realize that Gods mercy was so strong on me and he saved my life by helping me end a relationship that was non-existent, not of God and really one that I was settling for, so I can be called “wife” I used to think. Now my favorite labels that give me butterflies are “my beloved, “my daughter”, “my appointed one” and “chosen one.” This is what God calls me all the time and I wouldn’t have had this kind of relationship had I stayed in ungodly one.
So, I want to talk to you, you who has ended an engagement, or maybe someone has ended the engagement with you; I want you to smile and know that “ALL IS WELL.” Believe me I get it, it hurts to admit not now, not yet, not you, not this one, its disappointing, you have to start all over again, or some of you are already in the process. I know you need to inform people eventually, I know you will go to church and people will see that all of the sudden the wedding is not happening anymore. If I am honest with you, if they are spiritually mature they would pray for you and help you to move forward not pressure you to make a mistake or carry on in something you are not ready to go into. I am saying this to you to say this, you are not to be ashamed, you are royalty, you are important and so so significant that God told me this morning to write a blog on this because there must be a lot of you going through this and my heart breaks for you. But I am here to say this to you: you are going to make it, you are not done in life, you are unique, and God has qualified you.
You are not what happened to you, or your decision or what other people have done or said to you. You are a blood bought daughter and son of the living God and he has so much in store for you. Let me share a scripture with you that will show you how much God loves you. Philippians 4:19 NIV “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” I am sure if you have read that scripture, but it is so powerful. God wants to not only meet your every need, not the biggest need like paying rent, but the ones you might call insignificant like, helping you deal with every emotion, or asking you how you are, or talking about that man or woman you like, and he wanted to meet those needs. The greatest revelation that made me shout was the last part: “according to the riches of his glory” another translation says “according to his riches and glory” which means God not only wants to give you things and help you but he wants to give you those things according to his glory- his best, from his perspective, his majesty.
In other words, he doesn’t want you to settle or get bronze or copper in life but the finest gold and purest diamonds. What I am saying is that he wants to give you his greatest gifts and its true only he can give you the best, not what his world offers but what he offers. He is so in love with you, he chose you and gave his best for you by giving up his son, why wouldn’t he help you in the right way and best way possible. God has you. Therefore, don’t worry, you are not disadvantaged, Gods best for you is for you and it will fit so why worry when his best for you is just around the corner? I knowing I sound optimistic, but I have been there, and I have gone through it and so will you. You need not be shamed, heartbroken, confused even though these things will come to your mind, you have escaped a disaster or a mistaken that would have taken you off course for a long time. My story is this… I was filled with the holy spirit 2012 and God gave me a desire to stop dating randoms and to trust him to get married. However, I didn’t want to stop dating because in my mind how was I going to get married? I mean, I thought I needed to help God get me a Godly husband. I did not realize that the instruction to not date for a year was important because God wanted to work a few things out of me and for me and him to work on a few things. These were insecurities, fears, unmet needs and so much more. I know some of you want to tell me that you don’t have any of these, but it is well with me.
Anyway, so my unmet needs approval, love and value. I needed these greatly in my life and I still do, but I didn’t know at the time. I just thought I wanted to be a wife, but I now know that it was a selfish desire and I wouldn’t have been good for anyone because all I wanted to was to be loved so when will I find time to love others especially in a marriage relationship? I was desperate if I am honest because I was not ready to get to know myself or to love myself so that I can give myself to someone when the time came so I went in and out of relationships. I didn’t really have standards; well I did; in that I did not have sex before marriage, tried not to kiss anyone I was dating, and I wanted a Christian but that’s as much as I knew because I thought as long as they love me and are constantly loving on me I will be fine. When you are that desperate the enemy will send counterfeits in your life and they might give you exactly what you need only for you to realise you really don’t want it because you need is deep rooted. Soon enough a guy came along, wanted to marry me- two desperate people got to together and we both wanted to believe it was real and it was God but deep down everyone around me knew that it was not.
I just wanted the title and to be able to have sex on a regular basis and live forever after, but it was so so complicated. To cut the long story short, I got engaged after a month and I was supposed to get married 6 month later, “you know, its spontaneous and real because God is in it”, so I thought. However, God wasn’t anywhere near that relationship. He was not glorified, nor was God in favor for me to even be in the relationship in the first place because it became controlling, some traits of physical and emotional and verbally abusive. My desire for love was driving me into the wrong hands and if it was not for God, I think I will be dead if I am honest. So, after a few weeks of people asking me if I am sure, and feeling terribly scared to enter the marriage, and with a dress bought, tailored and an announcement made of the wedding made, invitations sent out and bridesmaids were already chosen the pressure was on. However, I eventually did end it, I was around after my birthday, and it was the toughest thing I have ever has to do but the best decision I have ever made. Three years later I am exactly where God wanted me to be and that is in his perfect will. Does it mean I will not get married, of course I will but at his timing and at the right time.
Therefore, I want to encourage you to rejoice, it is not worth it getting married just to get a divorce, but I want you to share with you practical steps to heal, to see perspective and to recover so that you can move into your best, because best awaits you. So here a few steps to follow and to know deep down.
1. Listen to God and follow the guidance of the holy spirit. If you don’t have peace about someone and other people are also telling you to slow down; listen and take your time. What’s the rush?
2. Obey God and stay in his perfect will even if it means you stay single for a bit longer
3. No need to feel ashamed, be relived that you have escaped something that would be a disaster
4. Know that you are not your situation, circumstance or decisions. You are not what happened to you. You are what God says.
5. Know your identity in Christ and live by his word everyday
6. Be content in God and find out what his will for you is
7. Ask God to take you on a journey of self-discovery to show you who you are and who he created you to be
8. Then ask him to put in your heart the person he has for you and believe me he will.
9. Go through the process of singleness. This is the time to heal, grow, mature and to become whole.
10. Find out what you need, what you like in a woman or man
11. Find out your purpose and why you are here and become that person
12. Spend time with God everyday- learn who you are in him
13. Repent of anything that you missed with God. Maybe he showed you not to enter that relationship but you did anyway and now your heart is broken and he has to mend it again and again. Turn from that and walk with him and at his pace because it is perfect for you
14. Accept God’s perfect will and stay in his will.
15. Don’t compare yourselves to other people in relationships or singles because they are not where you are nor are they on the same journey but one day God will meet that desire with someone who is also holding his hand and walking with him.
16. Let God give you the standards that he has for you
17. Enjoy life- travel, spend some time alone
18. Make peace with yourself and others- sort out any issues you have
19. Build good relationship through prayer- ask God to connect you to the right people
20. Serve in your community or local church-
21. Focus on God and his word and enjoy life
22. You don’t have to be married to be whole- marriage is an option, it’s not a must
23. Prepare- read books, talk to married people, get ready as a wife and as a husband
24. Allow God to train you into a wife or a husband.
25. Don’t settle for less than Gods best
26. Flee from temptation
Now that I have shared this with you, you see that it was a bit different. I am aimed to get you to move on and to move forward because your life doesn’t have to stop because you have gone through a broken engagement. None of us want to go through that kind of experience, but these things happen. We need to stay committed to stay on course with God and know that God doesn’t change because we have done something wrong. He loves you and me and I am asking you and encouraging you to trust God. He is the person that has gotten me on track in life and I am able to write this blog to encourage you. I went through a broken engagement and it was a disaster but that is because God did not build it. He was getting me out of a mess I was not smart enough to get myself out. It was the best thing that ever happened to me because I found myself and I found my love, my God. He forgave me, helped me and empowered me to stand by my decision.
So, if you have gone through or are going through a broken engagement; you can do this, and get through this and you will. Trust God that the best will happen in your life and apply and stand by his word, but his best for you doesn’t mean you have to be married because you are supposed to love and enjoy life with or without a mate. So smile and have fun, enjoy this season, find out what you need to learn in this season so that we don’t make the same mistake again. I hope this has helped you want to move forward. I am not saying it does hurt, or that you don’t have a process to go through because I did as well it has been a great journey. Three years later I am writing this blog to someone who might be going through the same thing and I pray it helps you.
Write to me and let me know if this has helped you
I love you.