God is awesome

He is my ultimate healer. When my heart was broken last year around October time 2016 I did not want to feel the pain of disappointment and rejection yet again I thought. I didn’t want to get up from my bed, I couldn’t believe it was me in my body, laying down, upset, angry, hurt. I guess I thought now that I was serving God and knew the word to a certain degree that I was exempt from the pain of rejection and heartbreak or rather I thought I would be strong even not to let it hurt me too much or as much as it did. I didn’t realise that I was so scared of being hurt and of painful emotions because it just hurts too much the last time and I guess it was because I always dealt with myself. However, real love it a risk.

You see, I knew him as God the healer physically but no emotionally. I always thought that it was my fault i got myself in this mess, that had i obeyed God i wouldn’t have had my heart broken again. God showed me something i never knew. I realised i could ask him to heal my broken heart. That i didnt have to carry the pain another day by myself, that he loves me deeply. You see he is a gracious God, He is a God that is close to the broken hearted, to those who are crushed in spirit. He desires the best for me and you. He does want you to be pain. The reason why this break-up was so deveasting for me was because i had never dealt with the heartbreaks in my past from my years as a teenager. I had never healed from that and somewhere down the line i believed i was rejected as a person. I started to believe that that was what i deserved and that it was my destiny.

But i am writing to tell you that i was wrong. I want to tell you that i believed a lie from the enemy because i had never  dealt with the pain of rejection and heartbreak from the last, it was affected me now, and God wanted me to deal with it. For years i carried the pain because i believed a lie that God couldn’t heal me such pain.

This time it was different, i was tired of the same routine of trying to be so strong that i became undenial of the pain. So this time was different because i was closer to the lord. I remember telling God “ohh God it really hurts, its too much.” I remember  God telling me: “I have you” I remember the “holy spirit telling me to get up” the next day, I went down stairs and got down on my knees and i prayed a prayer i never prayed before: “Lord heal my wounded emotions” but he wanted me to name it, so i said…”God heal me from a broken heart.”

I realised in the days and weeks that followed that i had never admitted to being heart broken because i felt ashamed that it happened to me, that maybe i deserved it after all others had also left me and did not have they ability and the capacity to love me for who i really am. So as i the days went on, i realised i had to been healed not just from this break up but from the break ups of my past. God starting taking me through a journey of undestanding my pain and i had to admit to him that i needed his help. I realised i could learn a few things i never learned because i never asked him to help me. I had to let go and accept that I was heart broken from in the past.

And slowly the pain was going away day by day. Normally it takes years, or worse i just used to hide it and never deal with it. This only TOOK three weeks max and i was no longer hurting emotionally, the emotional pain and hurt that i had for years was gone in a moment of prayer. I was so happy, I realised those that rejected me just don’t know my value.

So i wanted you to know GOD is the one that healed me. I tried for years to recover on my own and i couldnt. Some of you are going through alot of emotional turmoil and you are trying to deal with it by yourself to get over it. Maybe its heartbreak, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, feelings of inferiority, low self-esteem, grieve and many more. You dont need to do it alone, infact i will go further and say that you cannot do it alone. God’s healing love balm will carry and help you and even encourage you to move on and move forward.

I learned scriptures that talked about my situation mostly my identity and I spoke them out loud everyday several times a day. I had to believe that my value is not in people. It is not in my relationships, or in what people say or don’t say, what they do or don’t do. I meditated on them, studied them, and confessed them daily. I am here to tell you that you are valuable, you are important and there’s none like you no matter what people say. YOU are the lords masterpiece, his work of ART. God has you and the same way he healed me emotionally is the same way he will and can heal you as well.

I love you.

 

love sarah

 

 

 

 

Written by Sarah Kiki Nyanzi

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