Good day to you all, I hope you guys are having a great today. I had an interesting day. I went with my family to East London in forest gate. We are Ugandans and every now and then we miss Ugandan food and products so we go to a shop in forest gate that has such products and buy products we used to have in Uganda like Ugandan bread, Ugandan chapattis, Ugandan doughnuts, peanuts and many more. Overall, it has been a great day.
Anyways, I am so excited about this topic; it is so dear to me because this is a topic that is so vital and important for every person because without wholeness I believe life will not be fulfilled. Over the last 4 years I have been working with God to be whole, but really this journey starting in 2012. The problem was I did not want to put in the work to get to whole. I knew I had to put off something’s that I really desire. One that desires were and still is getting married. You see when I was filled with the Holy Spirit in 2012; God started showing me that the world’s way of dating was not Godly and that I should date to marry. He actually gave me the desire to be married rather than just date random without knowing the end result.
However, God wanted to tame the desire for a few years, he wanted to teach me a few things about myself. God reveal his love to me, to teach me how to love him more, to want him more. Relationships at the time meant more to me than God; I did not want to admit it at the time because I was not mature enough for the truth. My constant disobedience to God proved it time and time again when he would tell me to be single for a while specifically a year but I kept trying to get into relationships. God wanted to show me my value that my value is not in men, relationships, or people and that has been my biggest struggle.
The biggest thing God wanted to reveal to me was I. This is what I was most afraid of; I didn’t know what I was going to find out about myself. I found out that I did not like myself very much so I used relationships as a distractions and as always as when the relationships I was in did not work out I was always heartbroken, rejected, upset and felt like my world was falling apart. You see if someone or something does not work out, yes it is understandable that you might feel upset or disappointment or even hurt, but your world should not fall apart when someone leaves your life because they are not our God but God is. He is our world and our life- that is what we should fear to be away from him, but people are people, they cannot love you the way God can. I found out I was not whole, that my value was in relationships which explained why I was so desperate to be a relationship or to get married.
In that sense when I hit rock bottom, and after being sick and tired or being sick and tired I decided to really seek God to find out what was wrong. He showed me that I needed to focus on him and that I should’ve have obeyed his first advice which is to become single unto him. Okay, so God calling me to singleness was not a selfish move, he was offering me something that I needed so deep in my soul. I was dangerous to be in relationship with, I was very emotional, and wanted a man to make me happy. Now wholeness means so much to me, it’s everything, in-fact when I am I relationship or friendships where I am slowly losing myself; I stop and revaluate that relationship, myself and my emotions and God starts showing me where the pressure is coming from and why. When I don’t feel whole its very strange and I know something is wrong whereas before, feeling like something was missing was something I felt all my life, it was normal and like others I did everything I could to be ad feel satisfied.
Now that I am whole, I see how and my relationships never worked, I see why I chose who I chose and why,I see why I never wanted to be alone. It has been a wonderful experience, I get asked out and I am happy and free to say no without settling and feeling like I am missing out or that nobody else will love me because that is not true, and God loves me no matter what and I love myself. I really enjoy my own company, I love spending time with myself, and getting to know myself. This has been the most beautiful journey I have been on because I am constantly discovering myself, I have fallen in love with myself, and I think I am pretty cool, pretty awesome. I know you are thinking isn’t this too much? No, it is not too much. It is having a relationship with yourself, it is being good to you and enjoying you, because when you are in that place of wholeness, you can desire to have the right people in your life, you will desire whole people, you will want positive people and relationships, and mostly you can give in those you in relationship the best you.
WHAT IS WHOLENESS?
So, now that I shared with you a bit about my story lets briefly discuss what wholeness is. Wholeness is being secure in the identity God gave you for the foundations of the world. In Jeremiah 1:5 NLT, the lord told Jeremiah and the same applies to you: “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” So you see it is living authentically in the created image of Christ that God destined you to be. When you’re whole you know Gods thoughts concerning you more than that of others, as david also shared this notion in Psalm 139: “How precious are your thoughts about me,[a] O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!” It is loving who you are and being an original that you were created to be not because of things or people but because you understand that your identity is not dependent on people or their words. Wholeness is being healed emotionally, mentally, and spiritually of whatever happened to you when you were young, or now; it understands the human beings cannot define you nor fulfil you although they can try to. I have been on the journey of wholeness for 4 years now, but it has only been this year that I can actually say that I am a whole person, I am happy and fulfilled alone, I enjoy my own company and I love me. God has been clearing the clutter out of me since I became serious with him in 2012, healing me, showing me how to heal, and showing me myself. And it is a testimony to say that I am actually whole. I don’t need another human being to complete me like the movies like for us to believe. I can actually say I have something to add to others, that when others come into my life, I have plenty to give them.
Now how did I get there, I wish I could tell you it came the next day, but it has taken pressing, faith, trust, patience and never giving up on the wholeness or promise that God has for you. I kept coming up empty because relationships, sex, kissing, dating, gifts, ideology of relationships, sweet words, friendships, family, work, serving in church all proved to not complete me. God is the one that has helped me. He is so lovely. He literally has built me into the woman he wants me to become; he has shown me so much of my funk, not much of other people if I am honest. The biggest thing that God has done for me was reveal to me myself. I realized I needed to love myself, to appreciate myself, to enjoy me even with weaknesses. You see, I was so used to picking myself apart, I was used to it, in-fact I expected more criticism than compliments. I even used to thank people for telling me what was wrong with me because I felt like something was wrong with me and I needed fixing so when people would criticism me because I did not know who I was in Christ, I took on their ideas, and opinions of me until I became another person because I thought I was a wrong that needed fixing. A whole person knows that yes the need to improve but their core nature is a perfectly designed by God, that thy are God’s idea.
Wholeness is not about your weakness, it is not about condemnation, or picking yourself apart because you have a weakness or have not done a certain thing right; nor is it accepting whatever people put on you, but it is in knowing your identity in Christ. I am not talking about not being corrected, or rebuked, because we need that sometimes. I am talking about knowing your worth and value- so when someone does correct you, you can separate your identity from your actions and take the correction humbly but not as rejection. Of course some correction might not be true which is why you have to be close to the Holy Spirit and ask him to show you if there any truth to what this person is saying. Sometimes, we are so desperate for people to love and accept us that we are willing to become who they say we should be in order to make them happy, only to find out that even then they are not satisfied. That is called idolatry, whether it is about yourself or others, it is idolatry and the only person that deserves the attention that you give to other things or a person to validate you is God. God will not only satisfy you; he will heal, correct, mature you, love and many more, but he will also love you in the process. He will love you from where you are to where you want to be and he won’t put guilt on you, because you have not arrived yet.
Signs and Symptoms of a lack of Wholeness
- Not dealing with our insecurities
- No value or love for yourself
- Lack of spiritual identity
- Low confidence
- Fear of people
- Fear of rejection
- Allowing someone to control you or manipulate you
- Allowing someone to abuse you or abusing someone
- Attracting the wrong people or relationships
- Not assertive or asking for what you need.
You see I was some of these things, well nearly all of them and I did not know that I was not whole. What I did know however is I did not know what it felt like to be whole. People would talk about it, and how beneficial and I couldn’t relate- but I totally relate now- it does not mean I don’t feel or hurt, or get upset, but it means that I desire wholeness and when I am moving away from it I am aware. Wholeness is being aware of being whole and staying whole and healed. It helps you to recognise why it is so important and you also desire it in your relationships, friendships. Wholeness will show you how dysfunctional your relationships are, which ones you could grow with, which ones to say goodbye to and which ones to never enter into. Let me give you an example, for years I longed to be loved that I entertained any relationship or anybody that showed me interest because I thought they’d love me. I did not truly value the quality of loving yourself, and self-value and self-love. It is so important to me now that I don’t know how I lived my life without it. So because of that I would get in relationships I was not ready for, I would compromise my standards, I would not speak up when I needed to because I did not want to lose that dysfunctional love that they were giving me even though it was not really love. However, because I was dysfunctional I did not know what I deserved and so I attracted who I was.
What wholeness dies for you and me is that it adjusts our perspective, it keeps us strong to not be afraid of people or in being truthful with them and with ourselves. It causes us not to be scared of others, who might reject us, because we figure, it’s their loss for not appreciating an amazing thing. It also causes us to be attracted to the right people. Now that I am whole, I daily desire right holy relationships. I desire whole people, that won’t put the pressure on me to make them happy. I don’t have to say yes to the first man that asks me out because I am scared that no one loves me because I love me and so does God, and there are plenty left in the world. I don’t have to be around people all the time to be whole and happy nor do I have to be in relationship to be happy, but my focus is on God and his purpose for my life. Wholeness gives you some power to pick and choose who you really want, not what you can settle for or think you deserve because of your current state or past. Wholeness, allows you to see that you deserve the best because you are the best, and you deserve the best because you can handle it. In-fact until you are whole you won’t even desire a whole person because your vision won’t be lifted to that plane until you are at that level.
Steps to Wholeness
- Give God time-I always say this because sometimes when you are distracting you cannot fully give God all your attention and time. So give God a year, or 6 months or whatever you feel he is leading you to and focus on letting me make you whole. In 2014 22 November, I decided to become single for a year- no kissing, no going on dates, no touching, no dating of any sort. Yes I did it and it was great, did I like someone yes, did he nearly cross those boundaries, yes, and I set him straight. However, it was so much about dating or not as it was about God showing me where I was in my life. After that year the lord showed me something that I needed to know. He said now do this every day for the rest of your life. I was so focused on relationships that God had to distract me with a challenge- but after that, he challenged me to date only when he said to instead of dating because I wanted to and ending up heartbroken over and over again. So give God your time, pray daily about what you and him are working on, ask him to help you. I remember thinking, it has been two months and wondering how I was going to make it to a year without dating. Then God showed me something and that was that I got my worth and value from dating relationships because that is where I thought I could get love from. So, my self-value needed to be shifted in God not relationships hence he gave me specifically a year. For you he might just say to be single until the right person comes into your life, or he might be specific and say 6 months or whatever, you just need to be obedient to him it and will work out. So study the word, prayer, fast, meditate on his value for you, love God more than anyone, and let him heal you.
- Ask God to heal you and to show you where you hurt- I did not know I could ask God to make whole. I also asked him to help me to know myself again and he has been so faithful. God will heal you, he will show you what is wrong and he will help you heal. This is one of the most exciting journeys you will ever go on. Keeping meditating on the word every day, spend time with him every day, listen to people that love God and that minister to your spirit. He will reveal to you why you act the way you do, why you feel the way you feel, why you think the way you think and it will empower you because you will have a wisdom to know what is and how to change it. When we submit to God we are filled with wisdom and practical wisdom on what to do and how to do it. When you will notice you’re happier, you don’t hurt that easily anymore or that you are free to enjoy your life. You cannot get whole alone, but God himself feels you up with himself and you become whole.
- Declare God’s word concerning you- this is so important I don’t even know how to say it. This is where the magic happens because it is not enough to denounce and reject the labels life, satan have put on you, but you now have to put on new labels by declaring Gods word. This is what changed me- I prophesied and spoke who God says that I was, I prayed the word of God to myself, I chose to believe what he said about me more than what I had believed all these years. The more I spoke and studied the word, the more I believed or rather was transformed into who I really was. I started experiencing wholeness. I started seeing who I really was. Like Romans 12:2 AMP tells us: “And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”
When we think on, study and speak the word of God on a continual basis, we are transfigured into who he created us to be, we start changing and experiencing a joy unspeakable. We start to see that we are supposed to be whole, and secure, and purposefully. This is where we see God’s vision for our lives, it also becomes clearer and clearer and we start to see spiritually who we were destined to be.
- Find your purpose- This is a big topic- but you need to seek God and find out what he called you to be. This will affect who you marry, who you date, who you you’re friends with, who you attract or are attracted to, who you work with, what job you do and so on. As you’re in your year of wholeness, ask God to reveal to you who you are authentically and what your purpose is and he will show you. Let me share a few scriptures with you on this.
Jeremiah 29:11 NLT: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Ephesians 2:10 AMP: “For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].”
1 Peter 2:9 AMP: “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”
I hope these scriptures have shown you that you have a great destiny and I am thankful for God for you because you there’s something you are going to accomplish that will bring him glory. so meditate on those scriptures, as you pray, fast and asking God to reveal his purposes for your life and he is faithful to tell you.
- Love God more than anything and anybody– This is another thing that is big and the number one reason why people are not whole. They have fixed their gaze and attention to what they think will make them whole instead of God who is the piece of the puzzle that is missing. This is called idolatry- when we give worship (Love, devotion, our mind and emotions, our worth and value, attention) to something or someone more than we do to God- it causes a lot mess in our lives, to where we don’t know what the problem is. God loves you dearly- He desires your love, your attention and commitment. He is the only one that can satisfy your heart; in fact your satisfaction will come from loving him more than you love anybody else. The more you love God, the more you love yourself, the more you can love other people, the happier you will be. Go to God to make you joyful and whole- because people can only try for so long before they fail, but God will not fail you. As the scritpture tells us in Mark 12:30 “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul (life), and with all your mind (thought, understanding), and with all your strength.’ 31 This is the second: ‘You shall [unselfishly] [a]love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Things you can do to know yourself
- Make a list what you like and don’t like
- Write a list of what you know about yourself and keep adding to its daily
- Date yourself-Take yourself to dinner, swimming, to the movies
- Get to know yourself
- Say wonderful things about yourself
- Enjoy your own company
- Get to know God and ask him to show you who really are
- Do things you really enjoy doing
- Travel with friends
- Arrange get together
- Have quality time alone
- Walk in your purpose
- Serve in your church
- Do things for yourself
- Look after yourself physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally
- Have boundaries in relationships
- Date only when God says you should
- Learn to worship God daily and in everything
- Train your emotions to love you and to love God
- Take time off dating other people and date yourself.
- Find out what the purpose is for singleness and marriage
- prepare for marriage
- find out what your needs are
- Ask God to heal you, make you whole and fill himself in you.
- Get to know people around you
And the list goes on and on. As time goes on God will show you specific things to do, do it and enjoy him in the process, before you know it, you will be whole
I love you